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The Virgin Diet (How to Have Fun Losing Weight)

from What Color Is Your Dragon? by Marc Gunn

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lyrics

The Virgin Diet


I've noticed a trend with knights young and old
Counts, Dukes and even King Henry I'm told
Their waists they are growing to sizes ten fold
Now I see me a chance to make lots of gold

So I wandered the world from England to France
Climbed up high mountains, endured gypsy trances
To find a bold diet at the tip of a lance
But dragons were wisest with their eating stance.


Of all the creatures under God's golden sun,
Dragons are healthier than every one
So I interviewed dragons about their sweet fun
That keeps them from weighing much more than ten tons

They sometimes eat cattle but only when spurned
They sometimes eat crops but only when burned
They drink lots of water after it's churned
But the Virgin Diet is the secret I learned

Virgins 1-2-3
Virgins to live healthily
If you're on a diet then listen to me
Eat virgins and live like a dragon you see

Virgins 1-2-3
Virgins to live healthily
Eat virgins when you diet, you'll see...


Yes. Virgins are firm and succulent sweet
They have no diseases so they're healthier to eat
Fewer calories are found in a virgin than a fleet
And strangely they're filling so you won't overeat.

Plus, virgins are small and difficult to catch.
They hide in small caves and run very fast
This exercise makes them quite a fun match
So keeping off weight is like mending a scratch.


So I invented a diet Sir Atkins will crave
Just eat plenty virgins and soon you will stave
Off your foul hunger, no longer a slave
Your appetite filled with the hand that you wave.

The one problem now is the dragons are pissed
The virgins are vanishing into the mist
They are gaining weight and here is the twist
Their blood pressure's so high they die hand over fist

credits

from What Color Is Your Dragon?, released August 7, 2008
Lyrics and music Marc Gunn
inspired by Cara Chapel's virgin diet article
Marc Gunn: autoharp, banjo, bodhran, vocals

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Marc Gunn Atlanta, Georgia

Marc Gunn is a rhythm and folk musician inspired by Celtic culture, science fiction, fantasy, and cats--Sci F'Irish music.

He breathes new life into the autoharp, which continues to surprise musical veterans and fans alike for its unique sound and spirited energy. It’s like a satirical jam session between The Clancy Brothers and Weird Al Yankovic. ... more

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